xpositivelyrach ([info]xpositivelyrach) wrote,
@ 2005-07-28 22:13:00
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Current mood: cynical
Current music:madball- for my enemies

This next one goes out to the Erie hardcore scene.
I've been really bored with hardcore lately. A lot of the new shit I've been hearing is just so boring and generic. Nothing has been getting me excited about hardcore and that's so upsetting. It's sad to think that I'm growing past all of this, but I mean come on! When xrepresentx gets signed to a label, you know hardcore is going downhill (again)...no offense, Colin. I'm also getting sick of all the kids at show now. There's all these 15 year old girls running around going to shows and barely even paying attention the music. I mean, it's good that they're there supporting the bands monetarily, but for fuck's sake, if you're only there to meet guys go to the fucking mall or something. I also dont like the new kids there dancing and acting like they've been around for years upon years. I think I'm getting bitter in my old age. Don't get me wrong, I love hardcore, but I'm starting to feel as though it was metaphorically my training wheels for life. It helped me meet some great people (although they were greatly outweighed by shitty people), helped me realize who I am, and helped me grow as a person, I feel as though it's time to take the training wheels off. I don't mean drop out of hardcore, but to stop acting like it's everything I have in life. I appreciate all hardcore has done for me and I'll still continue to be faithful to the music and the message, but I recently have just become so completely disheartened with my love for the "scene". Everyone has just gone off the deep end. I don't feel that togetherness anymore. I don't feel that sense of unity, like we're all there for the same reason, for the music. I want to feel that again. That feeling to me was one of the best feelings in the world. When it seemed that everyone in the erie scene was friends. Now I just feel as though everyone is enemies and it hurts. It really does. I feel so far outside of it now that I feel like I can never be back to where I was. I feel as though erie is so far gone that it can never get back to what it was. That depresses me. I don't even know what to do about it anymore. Should I give up? or should I just try to ignore what goes around me and just live for the music? I fear that some of the things that go on are just too hard to ignore.



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[info]xbenx
2005-07-28 11:50 pm UTC (link)
i dont wanna be the old metalhead dude, but i was 15 once. every band we love was new once...just a drunken (sort of) thought. i dont see the unity thing either, but the headbangers never do!

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[info]xpositivelyrach
2005-07-29 02:55 am UTC (link)
be that as it may ben, these girls dont even seem remotely interested in liking the music. All they do is sit (or stand) there whispering to each other about the other girls there. Too many little girls are going to shows which is bringing far too much high school in it, as if there wasn't enough.

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[info]xbenx
2005-07-29 09:16 am UTC (link)
point taken, i agree with you there.

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[info]cole814
2005-08-02 10:24 am UTC (link)
I love you Rach, but you're just proving everyone in Erie who has talked shit on you right. I don't really like every new kid, but I'm not about to drop out of hardcore becuase of them, that shit just fuels me more. You're not old, you are a kid (just like me), so don't act like you've been down for 15 years or something. Not every show you go to is gonna rule, and not every person you meet is going to be cool. If you really care about this community then you'll learr to deal with this stuff (and even fight against it), not just cut and run when things change.

Sorry for being so harsh, but I only say these things becuase I care about you and dont want you to drop out.

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[info]xpositivelyrach
2005-08-02 10:45 am UTC (link)
I'm not cutting and running. I'm not dropping out. I just don't know what to do anymore. First of all, I dont know what people say about me behind my back so I dont particularly know how I'm proving them right haha. I never meant to sound like I have been around forever, I've only been around for a few years. Also, this isn't the reason I dont go to shows anymore. I dont go to shows anymore because its hard to drag my broke ass to erie for a day when I work all the time and have no cash. Okay back to the topic at hand: my point was that I miss the family atmosphere of it. I used to be so excited to go to shows and hang out with friends. Then all this drama got in the way of it, and it's just a chore anymore. Kids dont like me, and I don't like them. I love the music, and will always be down for the bands, but I dread being around these people anymore. As shitty as that is, it's true. Some kids in erie refuse to move past this and realize it's not all there is to life. I'm pretty much a pariah now and i don't know how to change that, and that's just the kids i KNOW at shows. Now, the other thing i was talking about is how these girls go to shows and just hang out outside. Last time i went to a show at the hangout, all these girls just sat outside, they didnt care about the music. It just bothers me sometimes because then they look at me like I dont belong. There's just a lot of shit that's been bothering me. It hurts me so much that I don't belong in Erie anymore. I'm only liked by 10 kids tops, and I can't change that. There's absolutely nothing i can do. I know that it doesn't matter in terms of being there just for the music, but it would make the experience a lot better if I was accepted into something I thought I could escape to. When I first got into hardcore it was great because there were kids just like me that I could connect to, and now I'm getting pushed out of that, too. I don't know Cole, I'm just ranting, but my point is, it's not fun anymore. I go there, and I see these horrible looks from kids that used to be good friends. Kids I used to get along with and have fun with because we shared the same interests. It just feels so different to me, and it's worse every time I go. For all I know I'm making it out to be worse than it is, and it's my problem, but it's just been bothering me lately and I dont know what to do. I know you say fight against this stuff, but I can't anymore haha. Like I said though, it's not the reason I dont go to shows. Lack of fundage and time is the reason I dont go....I'd love to be able to go more, but it's hard. When I live in Russell next year, I'll be there more often and try to make a positive difference, but when my appearances are this sporadic, it's hard to do anything b/c people don't know me anymore. I dont know, this whole post makes no sense because it jumps around. Oh well.

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[info]cole814
2005-08-02 11:08 am UTC (link)
I understand what you mean. I'm not mad at you, I just don't want you to stop going to shows becuase not everyone likes you. I'm sure some kids don't like me (though I think I have more freinds now than ever before, hahaha) but I could care less. Friendship isn't the only reason I go to shows, it's deeper than that. If I didn't have hardcore than I don't what I would do with myself (probably nothing good). I hope that clears things up with us.

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[info]xpositivelyrach
2005-08-02 11:55 am UTC (link)
it's not just tht people don't like me, it's more that it used to be a family to me. I feel disowned now. It's hard to enjoy hardcore when it was something I could escape to to get away from everything else. Now I need an escape from the "scene". I love hardcore, don't get me wrong about that, it's just....people's attitudes towards it and towards other people in the scene has just become so shitty. It feels like high school. That annoys me haha. I know it's not the only reason to go to shows, it would just be better if I could feel apart of it and not feel like an outsider in a group of "outsiders". But I know what you mean.

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RACHIE!!!!
[info]stephalufagus
2005-08-19 04:28 pm UTC (link)
RACHEL,
HEY HUNNY ITS STEPHIE.... I HAVENT HEARD FROM YOU IN SO LONG. I MISS YOU!!! GUESS WHAT IM NOT IN PENNSYLVANIA ANY MORE... IM IN TENNESSEE... WRITE ME!!!

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